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Sometimes a lot can be said in Humour. And no one better to say it than the Onion

Chinese authorities Execute 10 Million Recalled Toys

BEIJING—In an attempt to assure the world’s children that the millions of Chinese-made toys currently being recalled for containing toxic lead paint and tiny choking hazards canno longer hurt them, high-level Chinese officials announced Tuesday that millions of playthings are being rounded up and immediately put to death.

In the past six weeks, Mattel Inc. has recalled more than 20 million toys from China that are believed to contain lead paint and other safety defects, a situation that prompted the Chinese government to send People’s Liberation Army forces into major industrial sectors to mercilessly slaughter any remaining items that have not been exported for sale overseas. So far, an estimated 9 to 10 million toys, from anonymous dolls and miniature cars to trademarked characters such as Thomas the Tank Engine, Curious George, and Big Bird have been reportedly kicked, smashed with rifles, shocked with electric batons, hanged, pounded with nails, had their ears severed and eyes gouged out, and were then shot.

A toy-abuse-monitoring group, the Association for the Advancement of Plastic People (AAPP), said it has gathered evidence suggesting that the Chinese government has also detained an additional 20 million toys for questioning. According to the group, even toys that contained only trace levels of lead paint were loaded onto trains bound for detention centers in remote provinces of Western China, where they were allegedly deprived of sleep, burned with cigarettes, and subjected to traditional Chinese water torture.

The AAPP also released video smuggled from an unidentified detention center showing Chinese intelligence officers attempting to extract information on the whereabouts of suspected lead-tainted toys from a Little Mommy Real Loving Baby Doll, despite the fact that she was capable only of asking for her bottle and playing peek-a-boo. The gruesome footage shows the doll’s eyes being forcibly taped open and her lack of genitals being melted with a soldering iron.

Government officials, however, still refused to confirm the whereabouts of Thomas the Tank Engine, rumored to have been splintered into pieces by attack dogs in Manchuria. Nor would it address allegations that hundreds of toy steam shovels in Guangdong Province were forced to dig their own graves before they were executed.

And here is the reality.